Today my youngest turned three. Most of the time I’m glad to be through the first few years. I’ve always said that I would carry and give birth over and over if I didn’t have to go through the first 18 months of parenting. But there is something undeniably amazing about watching your newborn baby grow in front of your eyes into a walking, talking, loving little person.
When I started this project she was 3 months old. I was still on maternity leave. I thought it would take maybe a year or 18 months. I had no idea what I was getting into.
Looking back I would certainly have had more time with her if I hadn’t decided to make a movie--if I had worked less. It’s hard not to feel guilty for the time that I’ve missed.
In my better times though, I look at the strong and loving girl she is and know that she is fortunate to have not just a mom and dad who love her, but a whole community who has stepped up and supported our family along the way. If the girl she is now is any indication, I think she’ll understand why I made the choices I did.
Three years ago I enjoyed birthday cake in bed. Today she had her very own birthday cupcake.
Three years ago her brother woke up at 3AM to find me in labor. Today she sleeps in that same spot.
Everything is different and everything is the same.
Last Christmas Erin gave me an illustration by Lisa Congdon, “It’s always worth it.”
At the time I really wasn't sure if it was. Now having watched the film with 3 different audiences in different parts of the country and hearing how it is impacting them I can feel it. It’s worth it.